And there’s a moment when

So thinking further about that silent treatment trigger, how it leads back to my mother being ignored and me having to talk her down. By which I mean to try and talk her out of suicide.
I don’t know how many times this happened.

It might be only twice. It was more than once.


And I remember sitting at that table and just…..talking to her, calmly, or feeling more calm than I should have in that moment. But my sister was (very fairly) falling apart at the situation, so fuck, someone had to do it.

So I did it. More than once. And I didn’t even notice it at the time, but it’s like a part of you just….goes away. That sense of safety that comes with Mom. That trust of adults to at least appear like they have it together. To be cliché, that innocence. Not that I was innocent.

It’s hard to explain. But a piece of you just kind of snaps off, and you never get it back.


Until my best friend did that to me. I got suicidal and she gave me the silent treatment.

And I’ll admit it, I lost my shit. And I just now realize that part of me didn’t go away after all.
They were just so far fucking down, locked away.

And she is feral, my friends.

Like, holy shit.


40 something woman, living life in Canada's Capital. Writing, or trying to.

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