I have a stunning ability to get my hopes up for something based on zero evidence. It’s a skill.

Half of my hometown’s still hangin’ aroundStill talkin’ about that one touchdownThey’re still wearin’ red and black“Go Bobcats” while the other halfOf my hometown, they all got outSome went north, some went southStill lookin’ for a feelin’ half of us ain’t foundSo stay or leave, part of me will always beHalf of my hometown

With habit trackers, that is. An hourly one, and a daily one that covers 365 days. Although I’m trying to break a habit rather than build one. But sometimes “one day at a time” isn’t small enough. Sometimes you gotta do an hour at a time. Trackers

I don’t know how to not talk to you. So I’m doing a bit of a thought dump in an attempt to stop emailing. ou’ll always be my Starbuck. My Dean. My Person. My friend J. I know I’ve said some horrible shit to you. Most of it I never meant. Some of it I…

If I’ll ever stop missing her. Wishing things were different. I miss her, but I don’t miss the anger. My anger, that is. I think once I get past this month and her wedding things will calm down again. But for now, I’m in it again. Ugh.

If I had to or could pick a new name to suit my Non-binary self, it would be Austen. That is all.

I’m becoming happy again. Now that she and I are totally and completely not speaking. This has brought a level of calm and content that I did *not* expect. But I guess I had finally had enough. Much like she probably had as well. Despite everything, I will never stop acknowledging the wrong I did…

That the moon tonight is gorgeous. And that the full moon is tomorrow. I won’t of course. I really did mean it when I said I would no longer contact you. It’s better that way after all. But it’s still a pretty moon. I hope you’re looking at it too.

Ok I know that’s ableist language but it is my inner voice and I think it’s important to represent it for what it is. But I’ve figured out the dance between me and former BFF. I’ll say something she finds “too angry” or whathaveyou, and she gets upset with me. So begins the silent treatment.…