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Day Four
DAY FOUR 1. I don’t know what my father thinks of me, if he ever does and if he’s even capable of doing so. It makes me sad for what could have been, though not sad for the man nor sad for myself. Sad stopped the night I was 12 and he drove (drunk) to…
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Day Three
1. I want to remember my mother, her laugh, her sarcasm, her joy. And even her heartbreak. 2. I want to remember my father as the man I thought he was when I was eight. Strong. Proud. Handsome. Safe. 3. He is none of those things. 4. I want to remember my sister, the strong…
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Day Two
1. It is Election Day today and I haven’t voted yet but will do so when I get home from work. Then to brace myself for the results by stockpiling booze. And I’m only half-kidding about the booze. 2. I slept soundly last night, thanks medical marijuana. 3. It was still hard to wake up,…
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Day One
1. I start out my day late, because I’m tired, because the dog is sleeping against the back of knees and I don’t want to disturb her. Because I intensely hate going to work. 2. The mere idea of my boss sends my body into fight, flight or freeze out of the sheer anxiety of…
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Embodiment
Inspired by a journalling prompt by Effy Wild, I want to speak to the question How embodied am I feeling? What tension am I holding? Right now, in this moment I feel quite embodied, which is not always the case for me. My tendency is to dissociate when I’m feeling anxious or depressed. But these…
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My Inner Landscape
A prompt from Effy Wild: What does my inner landscape look like these days? How does it compare with what’s happening in the world around me? That’s a tougher question than I initially thought it would be. While my social life is not particularly active right now due to my BFF being away (see last…
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I Am Enough
So every Monday Effy Wild posts a journaling prompt on Facebook. This week’s is “How full are my relationships feeling?” and I want to use it as a jumping off point. So here’s the thing. I have been in love with my straight best friend for many years. She knows. I told her ages ago.…
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Launch
And here I am, trying to find the will to blog again. Not for an audience. At least not intentionally so. It’s more just to get me writing again. To get words on the page. To explore my thoughts and insides and dark places and the nooks and crannies of my mind. But for later.…
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Still I Rise 